How to handle divorced parents with wedding planning

by Melissa
(NYC)



My parents are divorced. And not the kind of divorced where they talk occasionally for the good of their children. It is the kind of divorced where they have spoken three times (outside of court) in the last 5 years. The kind where they continually argue and fight and always feel like the other is spending more time with my sister and I.

Being that this is my wedding they both want to be involved. Along with my mother's boyfriend and not to mention my fiancé's parents. How can I manage to get them all involved? Any tips on keeping me sane through out all of this fighting?


And my answer...


Oh Dear!! Keeping your sanity on your wedding preparations is a challenge as it is..
But don't worry you are not alone! Many brides face this problem so here are some tips so you can make it through shiny and radiant .

First thing first...

If your parents are in the same city as you, talk to them separately very casually and about how important you wedding is, and how excited you are and all the thing that you are going to have to plan.
Mention that all the planning is stressful and that you want to incorporate them in the process.
Just test the waters and see what is the reaction...

Also mention that this is going to be the happiest day in your life , and that you wouldn't want anything to ruin it, but that you are worried about the confrontations and that you would like them to have their word that for one day, everything else needs to be left aside .

Asked them (remember I am using plural but these are individual conversations you will have with your parents) if they think that it is possible for them to handle the pressure to be in the same room, just for you for one day.


Who is helping you with what?...


Once you know what are the feelings , try to work with specific tasks on your wedding planning to be assigned to your parents.
For example.. your dad can help you with choosing your bouquet or centerpieces, while your mom can help you with choosing you invitations and cake. You will know what assignment to give each one, just explore the possibilities.

Unless you have your heart set on a wedding dress that you absolutely love, chances are your parents will want to be present when selecting one.
So this is what you can do. Go to a boutique and try dresses maybe with a girlfriend in tow, so you are not alone. Make sure to tell the people at the store your situation, and tell them you will like to try on a some dresses to preselect 3 top choices.

Once you have those 3 top choices, go back to the store once with your dad , so he can see what you are up to, and a third time with your mom. God knows, maybe the 3 of you like exactly the same dress, believe me , chances are you will.

But remember the choice is yours, and make this very clear form the beginning. Be strong as this experience will set the tone to other events in your life, such as a baby, baptism, anniversaries, etc.


And the last note?...


Let every professional involved in your wedding planning, about the situation. For example, your parents may not want to be photographed together, so make sure the photographer is aware of this.

Chances are they wouldn't want to sit together either, so take this precautions in advance and your wedding day will go smooth.

Remind your parents that you are willing to do everything possible to make them fell comfortable and have a good time, but that you also need their help to achieve this.
More than likely they will manage, cause you know what?
That day , their little girl is getting married, and the emotions they will go through are far more intense and important in your and their lives as to be worrying about bickering and fighting.

And last tip for you... When everything seems to fall apart, just take it as another little challenge, do not sweat it. Breathe, breathe a lot! And take everything as much as possible with a smile on your face.
Hope I didn't bore you to death with this long response.

Just come back and ask anything else if you need more help!






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