How do I ask my parents if they plan on helping financially?

by Melissa
(Albany, NY USA)

So I have come to realize that I am going to have to initiate the money talk with my parents.
To start off my parents are divorced so I will be repeating this talk two times.

My mother has already stated she plans to contribute. My father on the other hand has not stated he plans to help but typically does help financially when it comes down to it.

So first how do I re-bring up the conversation with my mother to set a number and second how do I start the conversation with my father?

First thing first

Melissa:
I am so glad that you came back with another great question!

Before you start bringing up "the money conversation" with your mom or dad, you need to have a budget set.
So think roughly about the budget and how much money you will need. This way you will have an idea of how much you are going to need your parents to contribute.

If your mom has expressed that she wants to contribute, the conversation should be a little easier with her.
As for your dad, first, suggest the idea of contributing some money and how grateful you would be if he plans to do so.
You can't obligate him to contribute so suggest that you need the help, and as you say, more than likely he will come along if needed.

Talking Time

So here are some tips for when you plan to have these conversations.

*Have the conversations separately. You do not want the other parent to discuss financial matters in front of their ex.

* Start out the conversation suggesting that you are tight on money for the wedding , or that you been working on a budget and realized you will need some financial support.

* Have in mind how much you need, and take into account the person you are talking to financial situation. You can't pretend that the person will get in a terrible debt just to help you out (even if you are talking about your parents)

The Divorced Parents Power Game Wedding Edition

You have to be careful when handling divorced parents and money.
If not, your wedding and their help can become a wrestling match.
You know, your mom asking how much your dad is helping with and vice versa.
So the best thing you can do is ask for the money and be clear about how you spend it.
Do not disclose exactly how you spend the money, but thank them together on your wedding day or with a thank you card.

Just list what you achieved, something like: with your help I was able to have my dream wedding.
Thank you for helping me with the venue, dress, etc.
Do not disclose item by item with the money per person. For ex. don't say thanks dad for the dress, and thanks mom for the cake.
You will just create conflict between them specially if they are not in the same financial level at this time.

Good luck and let us know how it went!

Andrea








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